Hey how’s it going guys how everyone’s weekend going?!?
Well I have to get work so I’m writing this on the way so check me out with the whole multi-tasking anyways I’ve been researching about blogging and it tells you that you’ve got to increase the size of the font so this the tester! And to be honest I don’t actually like it this big so I’m going to change it back to what I had it before …. back to default setting ha ha
Sorry for lack of contact since RSVP Dinner Date! I have been busy working my little butt off! Making sure that I land my promotion for work which I got thank you kindly 😀 Going in the right directions for sure! But before I even get started, but I’ve kids of lost 2 previous blog spots that I was going to publish but they’ve seem to have gone for a walk somewhere and I haven’t got a clue as to how, or even where they’ve gone or how that came about, but hey there gone now anyways so that’s that LMAO 😂
I’ve just gone to my local shop to top up my electric key and I have been using the same shop for nearly 6 years now since I moved into my flat and they’ve been taken over by new management and I think that the new people that have taken over have an issue with me or they’ve got a bee in their bonnet and just want to cause a problem for people (me) that haven’t got the time for dumb stupidity.
Let me run this by you for a hot minute so you can understand why I have not got the time for unnecessary ball ache!?! Now I have gone into the store to top up my electric key. I’m currently on emergency so you know the score it starts beeping at ya, then you need to top it up! I’ve got food in my freezer that I don’t want to spoiled so I asked the shopkeeper a simple question, as I forgot for a split second if they accepted bank cards!
No we do not accept card
Ok! This shopkeeper is a total douche or something along those lines. Am I right or am I right?? Well as thinking that they have definitely lost their senses and didn’t understand! Just take the dumb payment from my card and be done with it! I’ve got places to be right now dummy!
Even though I’ve been using the shop for many years and I’ve used my bank card to pay for my electric in the past, so now I’m thinking to myself, like seriously what is your problem?! You clearly do accept card, you just don’t want to accept mine for some stupidity but I ain’t got the time to go full out devil on your backside, because I’ve got to get to work as I have to be there for the delivery that we always get on Fridays as well as clean all the lines that are used to serve the customers their drinks 🍷 I will say this one thing thou that I had a little slip of the tongue 👅 and put them in their place because they were rude and as you guys know, I’ve got to get to work so really haven’t got the time for stupidity, but we are going to let that previous comment fly past our heads and move on. Truth be told we’ve already come up with a conclusion in our mindset that they’ve got a headache or something seriously wrong like head trauma (NOPE! Totally Fine People) …. By this point I’ve had enough because I still need to get to work, so I casually walk out the shop, I have then quickly dashed back to my house, opened up my front door, and in that same movement I’ve managed to keep the door open with my foot, open the electric cupboard put the key into the meter, which is now fully topped up so the food is now safe people! The front door is now locked all nicely and that was that. Got the work with time to spare which was a good I got everything that was needed for that day and was able to open up the pub doors for a 4pm start! Life is good as they say.
What do you guys think so far guys I would love to see your comments and feedback 💘
What is the point of living?? No seriously I’m asking you a question that I’ve been taken care of trying to fucking think about and I’m seriously going to crack up! I don’t know what it is about me when you put gay men and love into the mix. I mean I thought that I was going on a sort of “date” kinda thing which I was looking forward to as I haven’t been out or on an actual date for years and I’m 34 years old! If you knew me on the outside you’d know that I’m a really nice bloke that who has so much love that it hurts, not forgetting that I would do anything and everything for you, if you’d let me! But you know what the little shit that I was going on this date thing with. They decided to not get in contact with me or even come to the pub and meet up with me as they were going to be staying at mine, mainly because he said that he was going to go and sleep in a hotel, even though I’ve got my own place, like seriously mate you serious or just dumb?
Sorry I’m going crazy in my head right now and this is the only way for me to get it out or I’ll just let it cook up a storm in my mind and then my anxiety and depression will take over and then it’s game over! Why’d you think I’m doing this? I’m meant to be asleep like 6 hours ago but no I’ve been wide awake winding myself up like no mans’ business it’s not even a joke I just get it I’m just not worth the time to think about really, now I know I’m just talking crap and this isn’t even me speaking it’s my bestie who just NEEDS TO FUCK OFF! But honest to god the amount of time I’ve asked her to leave me alone and let me live my own life the way I see fit! But no she’s not going anywhere, and I’ve been here many times before so I should know this record like clockwork and I do know it I just wanted to see if she’ll like get the hint and do exactly what it says on the tin! Mental health is not something to play around with like for real! It fucks with your emotions, life, your friends, family members anything that is around you, believe me it does and then its sitting there watching everything around you burn up and turn to a dusty white like fucking Casper! But this bitch ain’t no friendly ghost 👻
I always think to myself mostly all the time, why am I here?? What can I as a gay black male actually bring to anyone who is of the same sex as me, bring into any form of relationship! May it be a friendship or an actual long term one… My last actual serious relationship that I had with my blue-eyed angel 😇 Jody I can not believe his gone but he is and will always be the love of my life, but his gone, and I’m never seeing his face again, and honestly that kills me and makes me cry now just thinking about, but the way I’m feeling now, do you actually blame me? He was the only person who actually got to know and understand me on the inside, but I’m going to say that my sister who I love with all my heart knows me inside and out and was with me the day that I was told I was HIV positive and honest to GOD! If she was not their that day I would not be on this earth and trust me when I tell you, that I am serious with what I am saying. I wouldn’t be here and I have to thank her from the bottom of my heart! I feel so alone right now it hurts, but the thing about it is that I don’t want to say anything to anyone, for the main reason is that I tend to bottle up a lot of my emotions and my feelings when its comes down to and I have done since the beginning of time. I have spoken to the professionals about what is going on with me inside my head, how I have suicidal tenancies that I sometimes, can never control. I will say that I have had some rocky stages throughout my life that I can never take back, and honestly I have only myself to blame for my own actions and if my sister and my other family members were around me now they would tell me that I would need to speak to someone i.e the doctors about this whole thing, but honestly like their is so much, so many times that I can go to the doctors to seek out professional help because I have done it so many times now that I tend to find it hard for me to even pick up the phone to ring them. But I know that I have got to do it at some point, but to be quite honest I just choose not to do it an just deal with whatever problems come my way.
OK! I have got to go because thinking about Jody and my depression is making my anxiety kick into overdrive and if I am honest I just want to go to bed and not wake up.
What would you do in my situation???